Be realistic. Find the man you want for who he is right now. 8. You like feeling needed. The scary thing about a mature, grown-up, confident man is that he won’t rely on you the way you think · 1. YOU ACCEPT THE LOVE YOU THINK YOU DESERVE. 2. YOU ATTRACT MEN WHO YOU DEFINE AS A LOSER. 3. YOU HAVE BAD LUCK. HOW TO STOP ATTRACTING · According to one survey, a total of 53% of US participants admitted to having lied in their online dating profile. Research says one-third of all people who use online dating sites 1. You are not happy with yourself. Relationship authors (including myself) bang on and on about self confidence. “Self confidence is sexy” and “Confident people draw the opposite sex · Online dating lures us with the false promise of an “ideal” partner so much that we apply filters that ensure we never get to meet that person in the first place. 2. A profile is not a ... read more
When you know that being single can be wonderful, you always have a positive alternative to clinging to a miserable relationship. Your relationships take on more of a casual, happy vibe. You attract happier people. The reason is that mates can subconsciously sense that if things go badly in your relationship, you will not settle for being miserable with them. Either you will do the work to improve the relationship or make the hard decision to break up, forgive them and move on.
The kind of behavior you accept in the beginning of your relationship is the kind of behavior that you will continue to receive. Cultivate the idea that your love is a prize to be won rather than something you should just give out to anyone. Make yourself a list of the top five things that you want in a mate and look for people who embody those qualities. Then stick to it! Online dating in particular is a good way to screen in advance for qualities that you are looking for.
Never, ever be afraid that demanding respect from your partner will drive them away. You deserve to be treated well. When you speak up about feeling hurt or disrespected in an honest and authentic way, either the relationship will end or they will come around.
If you were being treated poorly, what did you lose? Speaking up is the first step. Do not let a relationship limp along with your significant other behaving badly, while you hope to create change using telepathy. Address issues as they come up. If you allow yourself to be treated poorly, you will continue to be treated poorly. In a word, yes! Let them shower you in gifts.
Let them be super nice to you. Enjoy every minute of it. Slow your roll. Just watch what happens and enjoy. Enjoy the relationship and see what happens. If you have caught yourself another charming jerk, you will find out soon enough. Keep your hands firmly attached to your heart and your pocketbook while you wait and see. There is no urgency! If the person is truly genuine and right for you, they will also want to get to know you before they make a commitment. Coach Elizabeth Stone is head love coach and founder of Attract The One and Luxe Self.
Through her coaching, writing and online programs she has helped thousands of people save their relationships , manifest love and create amazing, soul-level connections. She is thrilled to have helped so many couples find each other, reignite the spark and save their relationships hopefully not all those steps are necessary. and many more. If you want to manifest love, meet your soul mate or magnetize a man, join Manifest True Love and get started now.
Because you yourself are a loser. Because everyone is a loser. Because everyone falls short. The only person you have to live with is yourself. If you are there own problem.
A fool despises correction. Blaming people for being mean and petty, and cruel is counterproductive. No matter how much you want them to stop, they won't unless you stop it first. Break the cycle, and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Stop feeling like a loser. Sometimes, we get bad luck and encounter guys who are extremely good at camouflage. This means that they can act as the perfect gentlemen. You won't see even a slight hint of a red flag. They know how to hide them. Once they are assured of your commitment, only then will they show their true colors. If this happens to you, remind yourself that this is not your fault. You were victimized, sure, but still, you need to pull yourself together and dust it off.
You can't really let a sleazy guy like that play with you and then leave you broken, could you? You need to remember that just because you think of yourself as a loser who couldn't do better doesn't mean that you are a loser. This is the farthest from the truth. You are enough. You don't need to be more beautiful, more accomplished, sexier, more intelligent, etc. You just need to be more accepting of yourself.
Try not to beat yourself up over your perceived flaws. Everyone has those. Also, you can't hope to improve on them if all you do is complain about them.
If you really wanted to improve, you would do so instead of crying and complaining about it. You can choose to not get into a relationship. You can choose to not accept guys who exhibit red flags. You can choose to walk away from someone who doesn't treat you well.
You can choose to stay single for a little while you try to find yourself. You can choose to love yourself first before anyone else.
You've read books and seen movies. You even have a veritable wealth of past experiences to pull from. You know what red flags are. You can identify them at once. There is no need for you to choose to stay with a man you claim to love but who doesn't feel the same way about you no matter how much you wish him to.
Furthermore, there is no need for you to prove to yourself, and perhaps to other people, how good you are at relationships by staying in one all the time. If it fails, it fails. You don't need to flay yourself alive over it. In the same way, there is no need for you to surrender to peer pressure and be in a relationship even when you're not ready. If you constantly find yourself with partners who are liars, cheaters, addicts, etc. It is not your responsibility to rehab them with your love.
It is not your responsibility to turn them into good citizens and good people. It is not your job to make them other than what they are. You can leave. Write that guy off. Accept the fact that he is exceptionally wrong for you.
You are not judging him or condemning him. You're only refusing to set yourself on fire to keep him warm. Their problems are truly beyond you.
By Jackie Pilossoph, Creator and Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling site, podcast and app, Love Essentially columnist and author. She has been divorced for almost 10 years. She was dating a man for 3 years, and thought everything was perfect until she found out he cheated with multiple women. Was she just unlucky? Did this guy truly know how to fool her into thinking he was this great guy? I think there were probably signs that she missed.
You might think after going through a bad divorce , a divorced person would catch a break—meet a great guy who loves them and have that happy ending. Also, you might think that after being so hurt by the divorce that the person would be wiser, less careless, see red flags more, be more cautious, have her eyes open more, etc.
I attracted many many many losers in my life before I realized it was my fault. When we understand why we are attracting losers, i. choosing badly, we can avoid making those mistakes over and over again. Those are just a few. Men can choose badly too. Women can be alcoholics and drug addicts and abusers and cheaters, too. I have to believe that the chances of breaking up keep going down as the years go on.
Although, nothing is a guarantee. Date, fall in love, be as romantic and committed as you want to be. One of the people gets remarried quickly, so the other one rushes into something with the wrong person, trying to prove to the world that they are happy too. This is the biggest reason people choose badly attract losers.
First, they might not have the confidence to realize how unacceptable the behavior really is. Maybe their marriage was worse, so anything is a step up. Or, it might stem from childhood. Maybe their mother let their father treat them this way and so it seems acceptable. Or, it might stem from the insecurity of the circumstances of their divorce. Or, it could be the fact that the person has no professional life or passion or hobby, so they have no self worth.
Really successful people, too! Lack of self-love makes it almost impossible to meet someone that turns into a healthy relationship. The thing is, no guy or girl is perfect. But NO ONE, man or woman deserves to be with someone who cheats, abuses them physically or mentally, who is out of control with drugs or alcohol, who is a narcissist, or who has any other bad behaviors or qualities that might make the relationship suffer and cause the person unhappiness.
Let yourself see the red flags. Attracting losers is a choice. Attracting someone who makes you happy is also a choice. Like this article? Sign up for the Divorced Girl Smiling newsletter to get weekly articles on divorce and dating. Want Financial Security after Divorce? Filing for Divorce? What Women Need To Know Beforehand. Your Divorce Preparation Checklist is Here.
Going Through a Divorce? Names You Need and Why. Honey, I Want A Divorce: When A Woman Decides to Leave. What It Is Like To Fall In Love After 50? My Husband Left Me For Another Woman. Guess What? How To Survive Divorce: 15 Tips To Getting Through It. The Vindictive Ex: When Hate Comes Before Children. My Ex Moved On Immediately: 3 Seconds After We Got Separated In Fact. Marriage and Second Marriage Advice. Divorced Girl Smiling is here to empower, connect and inspire you.
Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling, the site, the podcast and the app. A former television journalist and newspaper features reporter, Pilossoph is also the author of four novels and the writer of her weekly relationship column, Love Essentially. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism and lives in Chicago with her two teenagers. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.
Hi Jackie, Thank you for one of the best blog divorce sites! I have recently got divorced and your site has really kept me going. Have also forwarded into a few friends. A lot of your stories have really hit home, and have been truly helpful.
Just found your blog and I am so happy I did. Very informative. I will continue to follow your blog! Visit us at roseleablog. Your email address will not be published. Keeping the House in a Divorce: Your Options. Will and Trust Documents After Divorce: What You Need to Know. Be strong and be authentic, and you will have a beautiful life ahead of you. Follow me on. Want to view Divorced Girl Smiling trusted partners? Trusted Partners. Want to listen to the DGS podcast? DGS Podcast.
Want to download the DGS mobile app? DGS Mobile App. Unfortunately, there are a lot of women out there men too! Low self-esteem and lack of self-love: This is the biggest reason people choose badly attract losers. Sign up. Share Facebook Tweet Gmail LinkedIn. Featured Expert Articles Jackie Pilossoph Creator, Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling 20 Things I Wish I Could Have Told My Newly Separated Self. Elaine Koby Moss and Peter J.
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Patricia Van Haren Divorce Attorney, Founder, Law Office of Patricia C. Van Haren Your Divorce Preparation Checklist is Here. Rita Morris Rita Morris, LMHC, M. com 5 Tips for Coparenting with Someone Who Hurt You. Read more articles Going Through a Divorce? Read articles by category Thinking About Divorce. Getting Divorced. Kids, Coparenting and Single Parents. Dating, Relationships and Sex. Health and Wellness After Divorce. Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph Divorced Girl Smiling is here to empower, connect and inspire you.
Sue Hi Jackie, Thank you for one of the best blog divorce sites! Regards, Sue October 7th, Reply. Laura Just found your blog and I am so happy I did. com Laura October 20th, Reply.
1 mo. You have to understand three factors play into this. One the girl/ boy comes from a rich or troubling home. She/ he is usually fake and just downright mean. Two, the guy or girl is on his · Online dating lures us with the false promise of an “ideal” partner so much that we apply filters that ensure we never get to meet that person in the first place. 2. A profile is not a Why do I only attract losers? - Guy's Behavior Question. Why do I only attract losers? Post. Ask a question; Create a poll; Share myTake; Feed. Live Feed; Questions; myTakes; Polls; · 1. YOU ACCEPT THE LOVE YOU THINK YOU DESERVE. 2. YOU ATTRACT MEN WHO YOU DEFINE AS A LOSER. 3. YOU HAVE BAD LUCK. HOW TO STOP ATTRACTING Be realistic. Find the man you want for who he is right now. 8. You like feeling needed. The scary thing about a mature, grown-up, confident man is that he won’t rely on you the way you think 1. You are not happy with yourself. Relationship authors (including myself) bang on and on about self confidence. “Self confidence is sexy” and “Confident people draw the opposite sex ... read more
Sometimes, we get bad luck and encounter guys who are extremely good at camouflage. It's not only that low-level kind of attraction that pulls you in. Online dating presents an effective solution to a serious problem. Rita Morris Rita Morris, LMHC, M. You believe that you deserve to be with each other because, on some fundamental level, you also consider yourself to be a loser. Here are five reasons why you attract jerks :. You are enough.Although, nothing is a guarantee. The Vindictive Ex: When Hate Comes Before Children. Do you seem to only attract jerks and losers? Your Divorce Preparation Checklist is Here. When we understand why we are attracting losers, i.